Relationship and Life Advice

Midlife is a significant phase in a person's journey. It's often regarded as a period of self-reflection and transformation and can also bring about its fair share of challenges, especially when it comes to relationships. One such challenge that many individuals face is stubbornness, where a person has a tendency to resist change or compromise. To a certain level, it can be an admirable trait. However, an excess of it can significantly hinder the search for a new partner. Stubbornness can have profound consequences on relationships, personal growth, and overall well-being. Stubbornness, especially in midlife, can make finding a new partner or navigating a new relationship/situationship difficult. Why do people become so resistant to change later in life? Reasons: 1. Identity reassessment: Midlife often triggers an identity re-evaluation, creating a high desire to assert one's beliefs and values. This comes out as stubbornness when individuals resist adapting to new ideas or perspectives. 2. Fear of change: Fear of change, which is rooted in concerns about failure or the unknown, can further amplify stubborn behavior. As people approach middle age, they may become more risk-averse. They cling to familiar routines and resist exploring new possibilities. That's why couples who move in together at this stage find adjusting to each other's habits very hard. 3. Accumulated experience: Midlife individuals have accumulated decades of experience, which can lead to a sense of expertise and "I am right" myopic perspective. This accumulated knowledge can sometimes make them resistant to alternative viewpoints. 4. Inability to compromise: Stubborn individuals may have a fixed mindset and be less open to compromise or negotiation. They believe they have compromised enough in their previous marriage/relationships. But I want you to remember that compromise is fundamental to a relationship. There are bound to be disagreements and conflicts in a relationship. Compromise helps reach a middle ground. It is a skill that can be learned. 5. Difficulty letting go of past baggage: Unresolved past experiences, trauma, and emotions can contribute to stubbornness. Midlife often brings unaddressed issues to the surface. Little things trigger them, which leads to a rigid stance as a defense mechanism. This can make it challenging to move forward and fully invest in a new relationship. 6. Trust issues: Being stubborn can sometimes be a defense mechanism against vulnerability. This may make it harder to trust a new partner and be open and honest about feelings and insecurities. 7. Unrealistic expectations: Stubborn individuals may have rigid expectations about what a relationship should be like. Finding a partner who meets all these criteria can be difficult if these expectations are too inflexible or unrealistic. 8. External pressure: Societal expectations, cultural norms, and pressure to conform to certain roles and behaviors might lead individuals to resist change to assert their independence. Consequences - Missed Opportunities: A fixed mindset can lead to missed opportunities to meet new people and significantly limits the pool of potential matches. Life gives them another chance to build a new loving relationship, but due to their stubbornness, they miss out on the potential for companionship, love, and happiness that can come from being in a fulfilling relationship. Communication Difficulties: Stubbornness can block effective communication when someone is unwilling to consider alternative viewpoints or insists on having things their way. Repeat Unsuccessful Patterns: When someone refuses to acknowledge past relationship mistakes or patterns, they may find themselves stuck in a cycle of unsuccessful partnerships. And that's how they are not able to learn and grow from their experiences. It prevents them from embracing change or pursuing potential love interests. Emotional Isolation: When an individual doesn't want to adapt, and they struggle to connect with those with different opinions or lifestyles, they may push potential partners away, which leads to isolation and a lack of emotional support. Stress and Frustration: The process of finding a partner can be stressful, and being stubborn can add an extra layer of stress. When they face resistance from potential partners, and they constantly insist on their own way, they feel frustrated and emotionally strained. Kills Intimacy: If the interactions are one sided and one person is not willing to budge, it can have a profound effect on developing intimacy. Navigating Stubbornness in Midlife: 1. Self-awareness: Recognizing one's tendencies toward stubbornness is the first step. Self-reflection and acknowledging the motives behind this behavior can provide insight into whether it is a defense mechanism or a genuine conviction. 2. Open-Mindedness: Practicing open-mindedness involves actively seeking out alternative viewpoints and information. Engaging in discussions with your potential partner with different opinions can broaden perspectives and challenge fixed beliefs. 3. Flexibility: Cultivating flexibility doesn't mean abandoning principles but adapting to new circumstances and learning from experiences. This mindset can encourage personal growth and resilience. 4. Seek Professional Guidance: Therapists or coaches can provide tools to navigate midlife transitions, address fears of change, and encourage constructive self-discovery. 5. Mindfulness and Stress Reduction: Mindfulness practices help manage stress and promote emotional regulation, reducing the inclination towards stubborn behavior as a coping mechanism. 6. Question yourself – Be curious and ask yourself what is the reason that you don't want to let go of the belief that you are right all the time. What is going to happen if you admit your wrongness? What is the cost and the payoff for being right and sticking to your ways? 7. Goal Re-evaluation: Reassessing your relationship goals and expectations lets you adjust to the current situation. 8. Make a list of your needs and wants: Evaluate your top most needs and wants so that you can communicate them to your partner. Smaller needs would require flexibility. Keep in mind, not every need can be fulfilled by your partner. Not all stubbornness is inherently negative, and there are situations where standing firm on certain values or beliefs can be important. For instance, Stubborn people don't easily give up or give in to difficult situations or even their ambitions. They can use their stubbornness to persevere in all areas of life. For example, if they go through a hard breakup or bereavement, research shows that stubbornness may keep them going. However, if stubbornness becomes an obstacle to forming and maintaining healthy relationships, in that case, it may be beneficial to self-reflect, adapt, and potentially work on being more open and flexible in certain areas. Many stubborn people call themselves –"creatures of comfort." But that doesn't help one's growth if they don't get out of their comfort zone and experience something new or widen their perspective. Seek professional help to overcome the challenges associated with stubbornness when you are looking to find a partner in your midlife. Midlife individuals can strike a balance between staying determined and flexible. In this way, stubbornness is channeled constructively, enhances personal development, improves relationship dynamics, and enriches the quality of life during this critical phase of life.

"Romance is the essence of life. It's the water that keeps the flower of your marriage alive." - Unknown Romance is a universal experience. It is a complex and multifaceted concept that plays a crucial role in human relationships. It enriches our lives with feelings of affection, intimacy, and connection. It's expressed differently in different cultures depending on their belief system, the idea of love, and how they feel, think and act in their romantic relationships. Romance has been a subject of fascination for centuries, and it continues to captivate both men and women alike. Romance generally involves a mix of emotional and sexual desire with emotional highs, excitement, passion, and joy. It is often get replaced by passionate love and sexual attraction as synonyms. They all have some commonalities and yet are different. Romance is the fanciful, expressive, pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person. There is often more emphasis on emotions than on physical pleasure. However, romance is usually associated with women's desires and expectations. Romance means differently to men and women. For instance, some women find a surprise dinner or a vacation romantic. For others, a sensual touch is romantic. For some, receiving gifts and flowers is romantic, and for some it's a waste. What do men find romantic? While there is no one answer to this question, so I explored the multifaceted world of male perspectives on romance. I did a small survey on men because men usually don't express and talk about romantic gestures. They feel it sounds feminine. I wanted to bring them out of their comfort zone and make them think and talk about it to make women aware of what their partner likes and not go with the popular belief that all they need is sex. Yes, true, men do equate love with sex, but they are also drawn towards romantic stimuli even though they don't like to admit it openly. Studies have shown that even though men feel loved by sex, they also want to feel connected to their partner. Gestures and actions show them they are cared for, respected, needed, and desired by their significant other. In my study, some men had to put much thought into it because they let their relationship go on autopilot and never talked about it. Their wives/girlfriends didn't know what their spouse/partner finds romantic until I asked. Here are romantic gestures that these sweet 16 honest men in mid-life expressed - in their own words:

How often do you appreciate your partner or say words of affirmation or simple yet powerful words “I love you”? When you praise your partner, you affirm that you appreciate your partner’s specific behavior. Like, for example, if your partner has spent some extra time improving their dressing, then praise their efforts. Let them know how they look in that outfit. Be specific when you give a compliment. Personalize your words so they feel well-thought-out. Because for some, words of affirmation mean so much. It shows them that you are noticing them. These loving words make them feel valued, respected and satisfied in a relationship. Here are some examples but you can always customize them. “I appreciate it when you…” “I couldn’t do this…without you.” “I really love the new outfit. You look hot in it” “It impressed me when you…” “Thank you for…” “You are doing such a great job. I’m really proud of you.” “Your support means a lot to me.” But there is a catch to these affirmations to work. Make sure you are authentic when you say it. Your words must not sound like made up. If you are not sincere, then after a while, your partner will easily tell if they are real, or if you are just trying to please them. Also, if you are saying just to please them, you will have always have this inner struggle each time you give them a fake compliment, you will be saying inside, “that’s not true, I don’t think you are xyz!” So make sure your words are coming from your heart and that shows in your actions as well. Another important thing to remember is - compliment your partner in front of other people. Tell them what you really appreciate. Tell them how wonderful you think your partner is. When your partner comes to know that you say good things about them to others, that will touch their heart. So, don’t be stingy with your compliments but don’t overdo it either. So why do we do all this? Why do we have to be so particular about praising, complementing and affirming? Well, the thing is, humans are neurologically wired to connect with others. We are constantly turning toward others for comfort. Let me give you an example to explain this. When a child has a bad dream or gets hurt, that child goes to the parents to get comfort, help and affection. Over time, that child learns that the parents are always there in need of help. This gives them a sense of love and support. But if the child senses that parents are not willing or they are not there to offer support, they may either try to ask for their attention — or withdraw and try to depend only on themselves. Now, if that had happened growing up, that child may have difficulty connecting or will not want to connect with others in adulthood. That’s why this need to hear words of praise varies from person to person. You will have to find out how important it is for your partner. Your comforting words remind your partner that you are there for them and that they matter to you. Basically, they look for your emotional presence. The next question is do you say “I love you” to your partner and how often do you say it? Some people have a strong need for verbal affection, they don’t get tired of hearing it and they also say it quite often. But for some it doesn’t come naturally to say it. What do you do then? If your partner has a strong need and you don’t feel comfortable saying it. In that case what you can do is — you can start your conversation with some endearing words, like babe, beau, hun, sweat pea, beautiful, sunshine, I am just giving you some examples…use what you like. Or what you can do is think about their positive traits that can help you say I love you. I am sure there are many things that you like about your partner that’s why you are with them. When you tell your partner you love them, it nurtures emotional intimacy. It keeps the relationship alive. And words of affirmation don’t just have to be in the form of compliments — they can also be words of encouragement. Let’s say your partner made an extra effort on a project at work. Offer them some encouraging words. Let them know that you believe in them and you are there to support them. And the person who is receiving all these appreciation and words of affirmations - let your partner know how their words make you feel. When you do that, it helps create a safe space where both of you will feel comfortable communicating openly with each other. You can say something like, “I love when you tell me what a great job I’m doing,” or you can say “It makes me feel so good to hear you say that.” This way, when they know you love positive words and praise, it will motivate them to continue. When you speaking and hear positive words more often than negative ones, it activates the motivational centers of the brain to take positive action more often. MRIs of the brain have shown that a simple affirmation causes the brain to light up the same reward centers that respond to other pleasurable experiences, such as winning a prize or eating delicious food. That just shows how powerful impact positive and kind words can make. And how do you ask your partner if words of affirmation are important to you? And if you think when you ask, that may put pressure on your partner. You can say something like - · “I would love to hear some encouraging words from you when I am dealing with work stress.” · “I appreciate all the little things you do for me every day. It would be nice if I hear more of your kind words.” · “I really love hearing when you tell me how proud you are of me and my accomplishments. Those words give me lot of encouragement.” · “Your “I love you” means the world to me.” LEARN TO MASTER YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS With CONVERSATIONS FOR LOVE Support my writing with your likes. 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Affairs happen everywhere, all the time, in all parts of the world. There is always a moment when people think if their marriage is enough or if they have been missing something. What happens then? The brain seeks to fill that missing part in any way it can. Emotional intelligence and maturity take a back seat. You become fragile. And then affairs happen for some of you. Meaning you have an emotional or sexual relationship with someone else while you are still married or in a committed relationship. In most cases, affairs don't happen one fine day. It is not something that you wake up one day and decide to go with someone else . You are disappointed that there is no connection, but you keep quiet and keep carrying on until you find yourself getting comfort from someone else. That's why it shocks the partner when they find out about you because in their mind, everything was going fine, what happened all of a sudden. They feel betrayed, they wonder if all this time you were lying to them. The next question is - who tends to cheat more? According to Nicholas Wolfinger, Professor of Family and Consumer studies at the University of Utah, the numbers have stayed pretty consistent over the last two decades, showing that between 20 and 25 percent of married men cheat, and between 10 and 15 percent of married women cheat. Different people have different reasons for having an affair. A study by Selterman and colleagues (2019) revealed "eight key reasons: anger, to seek revenge, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance. Rarely did affairs lead to a real relationship. Only one out of 10 of the affairs (11.1 percent) ultimately turned into a full-fledged commitment." Although people commonly think that sexual variety is the primary reason men cheat. Whereas, many men express that they feel ignored, neglected, devalued, or taken for granted when their partners get busy with children, household chores and professional responsibilities. In some cases, nagging partners bring dissatisfaction and unhappiness in marriage and open doors for an affair. Depending on the man's needs, it can be emotional or physical. Universally, men don't usually talk and discuss marital issues with their partners or others. Research by Bob and Susan Berkowitz on men who stopped seeking sex from their partners found that 44% said: "they were furious, felt criticized, and insignificant in their marriage; but would not or could not talk about it with their partners." M. Gary Neuman found similar results. 48% of the men he interviewed reported emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason for cheating. These men reported feeling unappreciated and wished their partners could recognize when they were trying. But they did not talk to their partners about this. For women, it was a desire to feel desired, longing for attention and affection, and a need to feel important, to have emotional connection. So to fill that void, they have an affair. Communicate to your partner what your needs are. Your partner would not know until you tell them no matter how long you have been together for. For some women, it is an identity crisis . They stay home and feel they don't have any power, or earn less, are not valued, repress anger and avoid conflict to keep the peace. They feel like they are living a restricted and unauthentic life. After a while, they rebel like a teenager in the form of an affair. This self-discovery happens through this 3 rd person. So it's more about them and not the marital issues itself. If you are one of them, what you can do is you can end this affair but keep what you found from this experience that involves growth and transformation and incorporate it into your marriage. Fairy-tale preconceived notions about love and romance leading to unrealistic expectations from your partner meeting all your needs bring a lot of discontent. You believe your relationship is not making you happy and fulfilling your needs, and the third person is giving you all you think is missing. The thing is, you cannot expect one person to satisfy every single need of yours, and neither can you. They may fulfill them initially but slowly, the pressure starts to exhaust them. Have friends and family around, and develop some hobbies. Another common reason for affairs to happen is using the third person to transition out of a bad marriage. The other person becomes a bridge to help cross over while in marriage. "They are on a sinking ship and use it as a life raft because they don't want to just jump into the cold water," says Reilly, Marriage and Family Therapist. And that's one of the reasons these affairs don't last forever. Of course, there are always some exceptions. Many affairs happen in mid-life irrespective of gender. This is the phase when people question whether they are attractive enough or still desirable. And when they get attention from someone else, it boosts their self-esteem and self-worth. Since their partner in the house may not be expressing attraction, they feel validated, in terms of their looks, desirability and libido from outside attention. Some people feel they married too early and could not enjoy or experience life. Once they achieve some stability in their lives, they want some thrill and want to experience other people to see if they are missing something in their marriage. Many people marry for the wrong reasons . Wrong reasons can be any – It can be peer pressure. When you feel all your friends are married, you are the only one left behind and you feel alone. Or you feel pressured by the family and society to get married. Another wrong reason would be when people marry to forget or get over their past love but cannot. In some cultures and areas of the world, arranged marriages are still popular where families arrange a potential partner. Many times, couples in this marriage find very little in common. Some are not able to connect on an emotional and sexual level. What happens then is, when they meet someone on the way with who they feel better connected than their current spouse, they lean toward that person and the last thing they know, they end up having an affair. Some say that they drifted apart and are not in love anymore. People keep changing and things (goals, interests, etc) that were once important are not anymore. Intimacy (emotional, physical, sexual, recreational, spiritual . . . ) is an essential ingredient for a deep connection in a relationship. When that connection fades, you start withdrawing and become more vulnerable to finding that with someone else. And if you feel that you found it in the 3rd person, it makes you think and justify how this is meant to be. Social media gives you opportunities to reconnect with exes or people you once knew. You are curious to know what they are up to or if they ever get married and if they did, are they happy. How do they look like now? These curiosities and re-connection turn into an affair in no time. And we hear – it just happened. And the stories you tell yourselves when you are tempted to talk to a new person or reach out to your ex, "Oh! it's harmless". A very common justification is that you get drawn to another person because of similar interests or ways of thinking. Sometimes provocation by family and friends adds fuel to the already existing disappointments. I am sure you must have heard this before, "how can you tolerate that, I wouldn't." So, you get all fired up and say, “yes, how can I? I cannot take this anymore. This is enough.” It is possible that they may not be a fan of your partner. Or they may be projecting their own feelings, struggles, flaws etc onto you expressing their concern for you. Or, like they say - misery loves company or maybe they want to live through you. Their intention maybe good but they don't realize they are doing more harm than help. By provoking, they are solidifying your reasons and the justification for the presence of the 3 rd person. The thing is, everyone's level of patience, needs and wants are different. If any of your family members or a friend has a particular need, they expect you to have the same level and feel the same way as they do. So as a family member or a friend, direct them to the right path by being there for them. Listen to them compassionately what they are going through. Validate their feelings but not their behavior or action. Overall, I would say the reasons, to some degree, are the same regardless of gender. The next question people are curious about is - who tends to cheat more? People of all orientation cheats but in heterosexual couples, the general impression is that men cheat more. And that is correct. Research from the past two decades shows the same results: men cheat more than women. Because to have an affair is like an easy escape than you know to deal with your challenges, and dissatisfaction with your current partner. Psychotherapist Esther Perel calls it a Streetlight effect: "A drunk man searches for his missing keys, not where he dropped them but where the light is. Human beings tend to look for the truth in the places where it is easiest to search rather than where it's likely to be." Whatever the reason for having an affair, it is never easier to cheat as it's not easy to keep a secret because to keep that secret, you are lying to your partner, children, parents, siblings, friends, at work, basically you are lying to everyone, including yourself at every step of the way. Take a moment and ask yourself a few questions: What early life experiences with my parents, siblings, and other past relationships am I bringing into my relationship today? What am I doing to ease the difficulties in my relationship? Am I reaching out to another person intending to receive something, let's say, for instance, some form of sweet talk or affirmation? If Yes, did I express to my partner that affirmations are one of my needs and sweet talk makes me happy? The solution to most of the issues is - COMMUNICATE. I have heard this numerous times, "my partner should know, why do I have to tell them?" DO NOT expect your partner to know just because you have been together for a long time. And if you are not together for a long time, you have all the more reason to tell so that you can nip the issue/concern in the bud. Tell your partner how you feel, what is important to you, and why. If there are any issues, they need to be addressed and worked on together. Some of you say that your partner doesn't listen to you. My question back to you - how did you express it? Did you request it and talk with respect and love, or did you complain, criticize, or compare them with others? You cannot expect something productive to come out of such an unhealthy exchange. Change the words, and watch your tone. Simple as that. When reversed, you would not like it either if your partner blamed, criticized, and compared you with others. Improve your communication skills. You will only gain. I see it from both the partner's perspectives. Both of you are accountable for creating that space for the third person to come between you. Like it is said, it takes two to tango. An affair is a wake-up call for many. Some choose to end, and some recommit. Some couples rise above an affair. I have seen it happen in so many cases. They come through stronger and more refined. There is always hope and strength, even when you think it's done and nothing can fix it. Whereas some may find that the damage is too great and decide to end the relationship. Ultimately, it depends on the couple and their individual circumstances. Seek professional help if you find it challenging to manage yourself. You can get tailor-made advice for your situation. There is so much that goes on in driving a relationship. I encourage you to take a closer look at your disappointments and conflicts. It is a good opportunity for you and your relationship to improve and grow. That may also give you some answers if you need to work on your unresolved childhood or early relationship conflicts. Eventually, whatever you decide to do, remember you will have conflicts, disagreements, and disappointments in different areas with whoever you are – your current partner or your future lover. It requires hard work and effort to keep your relationship alive and healthy. All relationships require maintenance work, just like your car or a house. Side Note: Your relationship gets in trouble because you water it knowingly or unknowingly for various reasons. It all starts with you. You can make a difference. You cannot change the past. But you can choose what you think, feel and do in your present. Remember, you cannot change any situation if you do not acknowledge your part. I know, society is too quick to judge and declare its verdict. The problem with that is, the same society that measures your success by how you manage your relationships never taught you how to do that. Your only learning about relationships was by watching your parents. And they didn’t have a manual either. You were not taught in school how to understand and manage your emotions, you were not taught communications skills, or what to expect in a relationship or how to behave in one. You were not taught what to do when conflict arises. So you get into relationships with vague skills, goals, and expectations. So teach your children because they are also learning by watching you . . . how you deal with the arguments . . . how much responsibility do you take for your actions . . . your style of communication. Teach them to have a better relationship with themselves first. If they don’t have a healthy, loving and trusting relationship with themselves, how can they give it to someone else and how can they expect it to receive it back? Teach them the skills. LEARN TO MASTER YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS With CONVERSATIONS FOR LOVE

You meet someone on a dating app. You exchange messages and then phone numbers. And if you like who you are talking to or feel some spark and connection, you finally decide to go on your first date with this person. You do everything what Google tells you to do on your first date. You are on time. You are clean and well-dressed. You are polite to your date and others. You are smiling and laughing. You are not a sloppy eater. You are confident and fun. You love the conversations. You enjoy each other’s company. The date goes fantastic. After coming back home, you review and rewind your entire date in your head. You then assess it. Some of you dissect every part of it. You may feel that this or that was not right, some things didn’t go the way you wanted them to, or that person behaved differently in person than they did on the phone. Do you base your decision to meet this person again or not on your first impression? Do you think the first impression is the final impression? Keep in mind that if you had a fabulous time on your first date and the things that you felt didn’t go the way you wanted them to can be due to different reasons…maybe the person was nervous or under pressure. Everyone wants to put their best foot forward but doing so messes up sometimes. You have heard a saying, “First impression is the last impression.” At the same time, you may have also heard, “Don’t judge the book by its cover.” We don’t know in what context they were said. These sayings cannot be applied in every situation. Humans tend to make instant judgments as soon as they see someone. That’s how the brain is wired. Are these judgements true? Not always. Are they reliable? Not always. Remind yourself to take yourself out of that stereotyped thinking. With the easy use of dating sites, plenty of profiles to browse through, and some reward here and there in the form of a mutual match or a message may lead you to reject and frequently disregard a person too soon. FoMO, in other words, fear of missing out, makes you reject someone too quickly. It prevents you from being present and focusing your attention on one person. Do not jump too soon to dismiss someone just because you know you have a lot to choose from. Give it an another chance to see whether you are a good match or not or if you are compatible or not. Dating is an exploratory interaction, it’s not a test. It requires a lot of patience. Go for 2-3 dates more to find out unless………..unless you see any of your deal-breakers or red flags on your first date. If you would like to see that person again, communicate to that person how you feel. If you noticed red flags and that it was not a suitable match for you, then communicate that as well instead of just going silent and disappearing. Trust me, you will be highly appreciated. Every time my clients, friends and I did it, the other person appreciated it. Disappearing without communicating is one of the reasons people get frustrated and disappointed with online dating apps. These sites are here to help you find love. Ask yourself and answer honestly about your intention first. Are you here to find love, or are you afraid of commitment, or are you here just for fun? Staying true to your intention will help you move forward.

I am talking about people in their midlife because that's what I am working with most. Finding new love when you are older profoundly changes your life, in a good way, I would say. And when you add that person to your family, it can shake up all the other relationships. They have to make room for your new significant other. That is one of the biggest challenges I see people face as a couple to deal with their own and the new partner's kids. Because I tell you, kids can be very tough on you both. Most kids struggle to welcome the new relationship, especially if you have been single for a long time. Because they get used to you being always there for them, always be there on demand that they can't handle your unavailability at times…no matter how old they are. Do not assume just because they are adults; they will accept your new partnership right away. And in some cases, kids insist you get out there in the dating world. Now, that would make it easy for you, right? Yes, that makes it one challenge less. Continue Reading

I talked about rejection in dating. I talked about the “ghosters” I had to talk about “ghostees” too. They are hurt and going through an emotional roller coaster ride. I have 4 pointers for all you ghostees. 1. Humans are instinctively social, and they don’t want to disrupt their social relationship of any sort so they use avoidance strategy. People just don’t want to confront . . . regardless of age or race . . . men, women . . . from a 20-year-old to 60-year-old plus. I haven’t dealt with 70 plus yet. Ghosters don’t know you so they don’t know how you are going to react. Are you going to get mad at them, argue with them, try to convince them how good you would be together in case you really liked them? 2. Remember, you are worthy and valuable. If someone ghosted you, you need to accept that, that person was not for you. They saved you time so that you can focus on yourself. That will put you on a self-discovery path. It is not a waste of time at all. You will learn and use that knowledge later. Do things for yourself. Get involved in things that you have always wanted to do. I assure you, that will make you feel so much better about yourself. 3. If you really really liked the person and you can’t get over the fact that the person ended it, and you are confused why the person suddenly stopped talking despite everything going fabulous thus far which as a result makes some of you curious and you are tempted to ask what happened there. Well, if asking will give you some peace, what the heck, ask. But be prepared if that person doesn’t respond and if that person does respond to you then it is not what you want to hear. 4. Everyone has to watch out for themselves. If you feel that the person you met or have been talking to doesn’t meet your needs and criteria, you will step away too, right. You will either keep quiet (ghost) or if you are kind enough, you will let that person know you are not a right fit. End of story. I will share an interesting study (Dr. Freedman, 2018) with you that showed “Individuals who have stronger destiny beliefs are more likely to ghost. These people have a fixed mindset and believe relationships are either going to work out or not.” In other words, they have a black or white thinking. Whereas those who have a growth mindset believe relationships take work to grow. Not too many studies have been done on it since it is a fairly new concept or maybe it is becoming more obvious and noticeable now because of social media, technology and online dating. Whatever the case is, ghosting is common, and it can happen to anyone who is in the dating world. If you are struggling, I totally get it. And I can help. You are worth it. Because you my dear deserve LOVE. Your Coach, Sonali 

Rejection is one of the common factors that stops people from reaching out to others. Do you question yourself, what if someone doesn’t like me, then what? Many won’t admit that they fear rejection. But they do. Who likes being rejected? No one.But it happens to all of us. Having this feeling of being rejected and feeling sad and hurt is normal. In one study, MRI scans of 40 subjects showed that physical pain and social rejection stimulate the same areas of the brain. “Dating rejection is very personal and painful. It brings our innate insecurities up on surface, according to Dr. Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, a neuro-psychologist and faculty member at Columbia University in New York City.” Continue Reading And if you are an audio-video person, you can listen and watch it here;

The divorce of Bill and Melinda Gates is giving comedians a lot of content. I came across this joke circling around in social media that goes like this: “Brad Pitt, one of the sexiest men in the world couldn’t keep his wife happy. Jeff Bezos, one of the richest men in the world couldn’t keep his wife happy. One of the most successful men in the world, Bill Gates could not keep his wife happy. We can only try.” People stay in a relationship or marriage for various reasons. But what is it that makes people feel fulfilled? Is it the looks? Physical appearance changes as you age. Some of us do give it an importance when we are looking for a potential mate. There is nothing wrong in it. But can it sustain a relationship? No, it cannot.  CONTINUE READING